The Dark Side

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Today I hate life.

Inside I’m battling with thoughts of fear and defeatism.
Is he right? Will I loose everything and be homeless in six months.

His negativity reverberates in my mind… just when I feel confident and strong… just when I feel like it will all be okay.
It thrashes to and fro… like the pendulum on a clock… trying to dash out of its way.

There he comes with an onslaught of his hatefulness.
His constant ‘my cups half empty’ mentality.

I have never hated anyone as much as I hate him.
I don’t like the person I am when he is around.
I hate his voice… I hate his whine… I hate his face.

He is a constant self-fulfilling prophecy.

I can’t allow him to be mine. I can’t allow him to destroy my soul any longer.
I’ve broken free… but not really.
He is there everyday with some kind of antagonistic comment.
His up and down, back and forth… he is a gigantic wave that seeks pleasure in crashing down on meĀ smothering my soul… my heart…
my dreams.
His own inner miserableness and lack of self-confidence pours out like vomit trying to cover me in his filth.

Rise up and take a step…
There behind me… lurking… he grabs me by the ankle and pulls me down again.
The hate is deep and real.

I don’t want to feel this hate or the pain any longer.
I don’t want to be on the dark side….

I want light.

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